Signs That the Relationship is Over
One of my clients came to our session with an article titled “Signs that the relationship is over” that she printed off the internet. Being married for 12 years I was amazed at these “signs”. Here are some of the signs that the relationship is over from the article and what I think about the each one.
1. 1.One of You Cheats- Your relationship is over when one of you cheats—end of story. If you two really care about each other you won’t feel the urge to sleep with someone else.
ThTMY THOUGHT-There are plenty of relationships that have made it past infidelity and love doesn’t stop your desire for someone else, discipline and commitment stops you from moving on those desires.
2. 2. You Find Yourself Jealous of Other Couples-Do you find yourself wishing your relationship was like theirs? If you feel like everyone else’s relationship is better than yours, this is a definite sign that its time to move on.
MY THOUGHT-Wishing you were like Will and Jada Smith or the couple who seems to happy after being married for twenty five years should not done in a way of jealousy but inspiration. If you find yourself being jealous you need to renew your mind and sense of reality to understand it takes time to become a successful couple. And during their journey they’ve had plenty of obstacles to overcome just like you and your mate will have to.
3. 3. The Warm Fuzzy Feelings You Feel for Each Other Are Gone-You’ve probably already mentally broken up with them and an actual break up isn’t far behind.
MY THOUGHT-What? Trust me there aren’t many couples who keep the fuzzy feeling the entire time they’re in the relationship. After the year three, the focus becomes different for most couples, children, bills, careers etc.
4. 4. Does He Disgust You or Do You Shiver at the Thought of Being Touched by Your Mate?-
ThisMY THOUGHT- This is definitely not a good sign. What has caused the change? Is it their physical appearance? Is there some type of behavior that your mate has displayed that makes them unattractive? Again, If you really want the relationship, analyze what the problem is and communicate the SOLUTION with your mate.
5. 5. Your mate is spending less time with you? Spending more time with friends.
ThisMY THOUGHT- This could very well be your mates’ way of not losing his/herself in your world.
After reading various signs that the relationship is over, I'm here to tell you no one sign tells you it's over and you always have the choice to fight for your relationship.I have been with the same man for 15 years with various ups and downs. From experience I am here to tell you, many times you may find yourself in circumstances and situations that may feel like it’s the end. The majority of the time, it is simply our emotions for that moment that seem like its the end. As an individual we have to shorten those feelings by addressing the situation with our partner and come up with solutions to overcoming the unpleasant situation or circumstance.We must learn to be in SOLUTION mode vs CONFLICT mode.
HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS J
How To Enjoy the Holidays Single or Not!
Holiday time is a great time to reflect on the wonderful relationships you have, not the relationships you don't have. If your single so what, grab some mistletoe and enjoy! It's time to enjoy family,friends,new acquaintances and yourself.
Here is a list of things you can do to get the most out of the holiday time whether you are single or not.
1.Take time with a few friends or your children to make or address holiday cards.
Most of us intend to do this every year but never seem to get around to it.
2.Choose a family or an individual to give a special gift. It feels good to a smile on someones face.
3.Schedule a potluck dinner, everyone brings something and add a little game element as well. Games are always a way to get the party started and smiles on peoples faces.
4.Whether as an individual or a family, volunteering is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. It reminds you how fortunate you are SINGLE or not.
Don't forget the key to enjoying the holidays is to be around people you enjoy. The joy of receiving a gift last for a few moments. The joy of having a great time with wonderful people last forever.
Happy holidays! Enjoy, spread joy and be safe!
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Can a Person be Pushed or Provoked to Cheat?
Could the Cheater be the Victim?
Before we jump into this dialogue,let's get a couple of things out the way. First,let's all agree cheating is wrong and unfair. Secondly,let's agree it would better for someone to leave instead of cheating.Now that we agree on those two things, let's take a realistic view of cheating.
Outside of the person who is a chronic cheater,why do most people cheat? For sexual or emotional reasons.When sane people cheat it's usually due to a lack of something,feelings of disconnect from their partner, feelings of neglect or abandonment.Most cheaters who are in a real relationship don't run out and sleep with someone because they haven't had good sex or no sex at all for 7 days.Its usually over a period of time of issues not being solved before a person decides to step outside to cheat.
Feeling disconnected or abandoned from your partner is a very unhappy emotional place to be in. Imagine wanting love and intimacy form a person you love and not getting it over a period of time. Most of the time the couple has several conversations to address their feelings,unfortunately it seems to fall on deaf ears or one or both parties are in defense mode therefore the communication isn't effective.After several arguments,going to bed angry, nothing being solved what is a person to do?
I know,I know ,most of you say just leave! It sounds good, unfortunately it's unrealistic.There is a part of the person that loves their partner,they don't necessarily want to leave. They just want things to be right.I know, I know cheating isn't going to help,but from a human nature stand point what do you expect a person to do about feeling lonely and alone?What about the responsibility of the other person who obviously is so self indulged with their own feelings or work that they can't see or hear the pain that their partner is in. Who's the victim?
So the next time you're on Facebook speaking harsh words about the cheater remember the person who was cheated on isn't always the only victim.Majority of the time when it comes to cheating,there is more than one victim, both of the people in the relationship,their children and their family.
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Why Are so Many Men and Women Single?
I was listening to a client the other day vent about how frustrated he is with the dating scene. As I listened, it came to my attention that I have heard these similar reasons time and time again from men and women alike. I said to myself it’s time to be honest and address some of these issues.
Here’s a list of reasons why the dating scene is so bad and why some people aren’t truly ready for a committed relationship.
1. Lack of appreciation for the opposite sex.For some reason in our community we have come to the conclusion that being single and raising children alone is okay. Some of us celebrate that we can do just as good a job without our counterpart when in all actuality we know that not to be true. Some celebrate being alone with high fives or a pat on the back. We make having a significant other a privilege instead of feeling like it’s a necessity. A necessity meaning it is truly important and is needed to function properly. So if you don’t appreciate what the man or woman brings to the table, why would you take the time to invest in something you truly don’t find to be beneficial? If you believe “I can do it alone” why go through the ups and downs of a relationship. We have to see the great benefits of what having a partner does for our life’s and the life’s of those around us.
2. Short tolerance level for the opposite sex. Because we don’t recognize how important the man and woman is as a unit we are quick to give up on each other. How many of us tolerate and put up with annoyance and nuisances on the job? Why?
Because we see the benefit of the paycheck so we hang in there for the sake of paying bills. Why doesn't that happen when it comes to finding a good mate, who will be there far longer than a paycheck? Most don’t truly see the value so they are so quick to kick him or her to the curb. One false move you’re out! We’ve got to stop this
3. Negative perception of the opposite sex. Perfect example of negative perception would be, “men only want one thing” or “women always have there hand out”. We know we shouldn’t believe or buy into stereotypes but for some reason we do. We allow a few rotten apples to spoil the bunch. Before we give ourselves the opportunity to really get to know someone we allow one false statement to sum the person up and place them into a category. All men or women are not the same. Clean out your gender perception and give the new individual a chance
4. Trying to microwave the dating process. This is the #1 reason why things are going wrong on the dating scene. I work with so many individuals who have the "I don’t have time to play games” or "people need to know what they want” attitude. People do know what they want to a certain degree but they don’t know it’s YOU, they have to get to know you first. People feel two months is a long time emotionally and it may be. But in the real world, in the logical world 60 or 90 is not enough time to get to know someone and decide if you two are ready for real commitment. (We will talk later about this) So slow down enjoy the dating process and understand if you skip over this process you are building a relationship on shaky ground. Then I hear people say I was bamboozled. No, you moved to fast. Embrace the dating process and override your biological clock, emotions, high desire to be with someone and frustration of wanting it now with logical, realistic expectations, life process and enjoyment.
5. Accepting the things that you can’t change.
Some are so caught in why people lie, why people cheat etc. WE NEED TO take A FEW THINGS INTO consideration. You can’t stop people from doing things that have been here since the beginning of time. Learn to work within the frame work and don’t let that stop you from receiving the love you deserve? Learn to work with the things you can change and pray for you’re ability to discern the truth from a lie. Remember people are a work in progress including YOU. So try to love people understanding they’re not perfect and allow yourself to find that person who makes you the better you.
There are plenty of reasons why the dating scene is so bad.Click here to tell us what you think.