Ask Charmaine    

                              

Charmaine is a dating strategist,a relationship mediator and author of The Bait To Get Your Mate. She is known for giving you advice that's food for thought as well as giving it to you straight no chaser.But beware her advice is not for the faint of heart. Her goal is to equip individuals with the power of choice, self preservation,and practical application of how to be a winner when it comes to love.If you have a question about dating, love, relationships Charmaine can help. Send her your question today by clicking here.  Sponsored by:                

                                                             

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Dear Charmaine,

I love your columns! I am planning to marry the man of my dreams this August. Although his parents are wonderful, I'm a little concerned about the role that they still play in his life...particularly his mother. She still does my fiancé's laundry, cooks his lunches daily, and cleans his house. What do you think?

                                                                                                                                                                          Happy In Miami

Dear Happy in Miami,

Thank you for your kind words about my columns and congratulations on getting married! I’m glad to hear you are walking in to this marriage with your eyes open. There a couple of things we need to analyze, what is your true concern, do you think he may expect the same from you or that she may come into your home and do the same things? If your concern is he may expect the same from you and you aren’t open to pick up where his mom left off, you need to discuss it with him. Please do not confront him with, “I hope you don’t expect me to be your mom”. Simply say to him, Honey I see your mom does a lot of domestic things for you, are you hoping for me to do those things as well?

Now if the concern is Mom coming over into your space and taking over your duty, you need to discuss that with him as well. You must be delicate because this is the woman who has taken care of him up to now. Second, build the relationship with the mom that she can feel comfortable that he’s in good hands. Ask her how she gets the clothes so white and how he likes his sandwiches. And on the other hand if she’s wonderful and you don’t mind maybe she’ll wash your clothes too J.  

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Dear Charmaine,

Six months ago I was laid off a job I held for 16 years. It has put such a strain on my marriage. I feel like my wife has little respect for me because I’m currently unemployed. To tell the truth I don’t feel like the same man because I’m not able to take care of my family the way I used to.We have had to downsize and my wife is thinking about getting a job to help ends meet. I love my wife and I don’t want to lose her, What should I do?

                                                                                                           Unemployed in Michigan

Dear Unemployed in Michigan,

The first thing you need to do is to mentally take your throne back. You have to remind yourself that you being the man of the house aren’t based on how much money you bring into the house. You are ultimately responsible that they have a roof, lights etc. but as a man you may have to get with your wife and make decisions on what’s best for the family. The mans position is about leadership and decision making.

Taking care of your family for 16 years is a wonderful thing. If everyone enjoyed those 16 years, then it’s time to endure for a while. Talk to your wife and be open about how you feel. Explain to her how you need her to be in your corner and that things will be great again and have a plan. (Women always want to know how) If you don’t have a plan schedule time to come up with one together.

This a great opportunity for you to spend more time with your family, schedule game night and thinks that can bring real quality back into your lives. And most of all add prayer. A family that prays together stays together. Good luck!

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Hey Charmaine,

My husband and I have decided to spend the holidays at my in laws house in another state. His family is really ghetto and obnoxious. They are loving but not very educated or structured. I really don't want my children to be around them picking up bad habits but I've already agreed what advice can you give me?

                                                                       Uh Oh in Charlotte

Dear Uh Oh in Charlotte,

As long as there is nothing that may be physically or emotionally damaging,relax.They may not be the Cosby family but this is a part of their heritage. Don't worry your kids shouldn't lose much of there home training if any.This is the stock that your husband came from so it can't be that bad I'm hoping. Family's show love in different ways and as long as your kids feel the love and sense of family it will be good for them to spend time with their extended family.

While you're there look at the smile on your husband face as he enjoys his roots and think it was well worth it. Enjoy!  

_______________________________________________________________________   Dear Charmaine,

I am a single woman 37 years old and I am finally ready to open up for a relationship. I ‘ve had two bad relationships that produced two beautiful children. I don’t trust men as far as I can see them and I ‘ve been off the dating scene for 16 months. Where do I start?

Dear Open For a Relationship,
The first place to start with you getting prepared for a relationship is knowing who you are ,what type of mate you should be looking for and things you may need to work on before you go back on to the dating scene. One thing you may need to work on is your trust issue. You stated you don’t trust them as far as you can see them. One factor to a happy and healthy relationship is trust so that’s one of the first things I suggest you work on. One way to work on trust is work on letting go of the past and analyze the signs that were there so you will be more alert the next time, secondly work on giving every one from this point on a clean slate. Allow people to prove themselves one way or another. For more information on how to get prepared to date successfully, pick up a copy of my book The Bait To Get Your Mate.  ___________________________________________

Dear Charmaine,

I’m a 39 years old male who is dating a woman who has 3 children. We’ve been dating for over a year and are thinking about getting married. The only thing that’s holding me up is her 13 year old son. He doesn’t respect me and often drives tension between me and his mom with disrespectful behavior. Should I marry this woman or leave this situation alone?

                                                                                K in Virginia  

Dear K in Virginia,

I’m sorry to hear what you and your love are experiencing. I know this situation can be frustrating. The two of you definitely need to work together to resolve this situation. The first thing to analyze is why the young man is so disrespectful to you and recognizing it may  have nothing to do with you, there may be something  that has happened in his past. Sit down and talk to him, let him know that you're not trying to be his dad but you would love for the two of you to be respectful to one another and you only want the best for him. After that you need to develop a relationship with him, expect rejection at first. He wants to see if you’re going to give up. You and mom also have to stand together and agree on the plan to get him to come around and make a united front together. The unified front will helpdecrease his ability to make tension between you two.Good luck K in Virginia and keep us updated on your situation.